With the controversy over Planned Parenthood and the horrific #ShoutYourAbortion campaign, I am compelled to write about my experience. Some friends will be shocked learning my story, some disappointed. Most of all, I believe my father would have been deeply hurt. Still, I must expose my darkest moment with the belief it will be worth it if it helps open the eyes of just one woman and saves the life of just one baby.
I have always been conservative thanks to the values my father firmly instilled. He was my hero in every way. He touched the lives of many people during his 52 years of life. Not a day goes by that he is not missed.
My dad was very vocal on his pro-life stance. Although I respected most conservative values, I didn’t always live by them. I was, what most people are today; uninformed. Sure, I knew the premise of what an abortion entailed; a deliberate termination of an unwanted human baby.
I’m not confessing this to demand making abortion illegal. I’m not one of those people. I’m just a woman who has made choices that were uninformed. Now I would like to inform anyone who will listen.
A while back, I discovered I was pregnant. My life wasn’t what I wanted it to be. Many circumstances were not ideal. I did not want to be pregnant. I did not want to be a mom again. There was an easy way out. Abortion.
During my scheduled appointment the attending nurse told me the following:
Abortion is 100 times safer than childbirth. After you are put to sleep, the doctor will use a vacuum aspirator to remove the unwanted tissue. The entire process takes no more than 5 to 7 minutes at which time you will be wheeled off to a recovery room and will awake a short time later.
That’s it. That’s EXACTLY what I was told as I signed the necessary paperwork, essentially giving them permission to intentionally end the life that was growing inside me. A baby which had 50% of my DNA. Theoretically, I killed a part of me – however at that time, I didn’t see it like that.
At that time I only saw that I was pregnant and wished not to be. To me it was as simple as walking into the clinic pregnant; going to sleep, waking up not pregnant. End of story.
I was 11.5 weeks along. I never saw an ultrasound. I never heard the heartbeat. I never felt a kick or as much as a flutter. The only proof of existence were the two blue lines on a stick that stared back at me through uncontrollable tears.
After the abortion, I refused to allow guilt to affect me. I chose to pretend it never happened; put it out of my mind; went about my life. That was easier to accomplish than you might think. It was almost as if it was just a bad dream, like never being pregnant at all.
As time passed, I didn’t think about it. For me, it was as though it never happened. But you know what DID happen? Technology. Social media. Facebook.
Yup. It was Facebook that forever changed my views on everything, including abortion. One day at the office I was scrolling through my newsfeed and came across a post of a dear friend. It was an article about late term abortion. I couldn’t tell you what made me click on it, as I usually turned a blind eye to all the abortion propaganda- especially being that I was a silent hypocrite. I couldn’t tell you then why I clicked that link, but I’m pretty sure I know why now… It was time for me to wake up.
And that’s precisely what happened. Although my abortion wasn’t late term, that article resonated with me on a profound level. It was the TRUTH about abortion. The truth I never knew. The truth I never wanted to know.
The truth hurts. It’s scary as hell. It is brutal! But it’s reality. IT IS TRUTH. Now I think back to when I selfishly decided to go to sleep pregnant and wake up NOT pregnant and it hurts my heart to the very core.
Following that article and its horrific pictures, pictures no-one wants to see, I made it my personal mission to thoroughly research abortion and all that it entails.
The child, YOUR CHILD, a part of YOU, is ripped out of your body limb by limb. There are times when they remove the baby fully intact and in most of those circumstances, the child is still alive – only to be left to die or harvested for organs. That’s YOUR child. YOUR FLESH AND BLOOD. Yours.
Let’s talk hypothetical for a moment. You’re pregnant. You want not to be. The easiest choice is abortion. I magically reach in and remove the child from your uterus and hand it to you. I tell you to kill it. Smash its head in. Rip it apart limb by limb. Go ahead. It’s totally legal and no one will ever have to know. COULD YOU DO IT?
Why not? Why is it any different just because you can’t visually *SEE* the baby? The outcome is the SAME. Think about this. Just THINK about it.
Every action has consequences. I blissfully avoided the guilt, the regret, the sadness of the choice I made for far too long. Once I became AWARE, I was AWAKE. Awake to the horrors committed everyday inside the walls of abortion clinics across America. Hundreds and thousands of babies ripped apart, limb by limb. 100% legal murder, also known as population control but most commonly referred to as a woman’s right to choose.
And you’re right. It is YOUR baby inside YOUR body. This “object” has YOUR DNA. It belongs to YOU. It is YOUR choice whether to keep it or kill it.
I am no hypocrite. Not any longer. As I write this, I once again find myself pregnant and not wanting to be. If I were still that naive girl that I once was, I would have scheduled an abortion more than a month ago. Both of my pregnancies that I carried to term were high risk.
With both pregnancies, I developed gestational hypertension which ultimately led to preeclampsia. With both pregnancies, I was induced before the 34th week to prevent a very likely seizure and/or stroke.
My daughter is now 20, beautiful, smart and talented. My son is a precocious 4 year old. He’s an amazing soul reminiscent of my late father.
The child I am carrying now? John and I choose life. We are giving our baby to a carefully selected married couple – a family – who have not been blessed with this privilege. The same privilege that is discarded like trash hundreds of times a day.
Children bring joy. They also can drive you batshit crazy. Motherhood is not for everyone. I know, because I struggle with it. Most days I feel like an epic parenting fail. But one thing is for certain; I love my kids with every fiber of my being, including the one I’m carrying now. I love this child so much, knowing that he/she is a part of me, John and my beloved late father.
Never again would I selfishly choose to deliberately end the life of an ‘UNWANTED’ child. Never would I deny the joy, the laughter and tears this child will undoubtedly bring to a loving, waiting family. It’s not only MY CHOICE to choose life; it is my obligation as a compassionate human being.
When you make YOUR choice, choose not to be selfish. You don’t have to raise any child you don’t want to. Nine months. That’s all that you will have to invest to give the gift of life to someone else. Someone less fortunate than you. Someone without the childbearing privilege that you possess. #PayItForward.
Do something good. Do something you can be proud of. And then you can proudly #ShoutYourAdoption.